If you are watching The Bachelorette this season then you know who Bentley is, and you know why he is a factor. As usual, something unprecedented happened in the Bachelorette house. Yes, a contestant named Bentley Williams left the show mid-season with what he called a “dot dot dot.” That is, rather than telling Ashley Hebert he is just not into her, he led her on by lying about his reason for leaving and he left the relationship open-ended. So later in the season, the producers almost mercilessly brought him back. I mean, Ashley thought they were doing her a favor, but the reality is that everyone knows he was up to no good. Why didn’t the producers just say, “Hey, want to see some of the footage where Bentley confesses to the camera that he has no feelings for you whatsoever?” Such a move would have put the dot dot dot to rest and saved Ashley a lot of grief.
But on some level, Bentley is one stereotypical male type that–for who knows what reasons–pretends to be interested in a girl much more than he actually is. In real life, such men usually want to use the girl for a physical relationship, sans the love. On the Bachelorette, Bentley’s desire to lead Ashley on was obviously not for sex. Whatever reason he had for being a jerk, he does represent a type of man who does lie for no apparent reason, rendering clues to the impending relationship meaningless. In other words, when a woman is falling in love with a man, she looks for reciprocation. If there is none, the relationship fizzles, but when a guy gives her mixed messages, all she can do is conjure in her mind a scenario where the relationship leads somewhere, and that is where the trouble starts.
What can a woman do to tell if she is with a Bentley? First, she should never take vague comments and escalate them in her head. While a woman should not live in a fantasy world, she cannot expect to know what will happen in the future from the start. In the context of a television reality romance or any fledgling relationship, you have to give it time.
Bentleys are not always easy to spot. Of course, would you prefer the guardian and protector of Ali’s heart Kasey Kahl from Season 6 who was so obsessive as to be deemed creepy? Most people do not share their feelings early in a relationship, and some don’t even know how they feel. And again, when they know how they feel and go overboard like Kasey who tattooed them on his arm before he knew if the feelings would be returned, that can be off-putting. The real dilemma is that you don’t want a guy to tell you how he feels too early, but at the same time, you don’t want to be led astray by a guy like Bentley.
I think the Bentley lesson is to proceed with all romantic entanglements with cautious optimism. Don’t give up on something that has potential but don’t become too attached until you know where the relationship is going.
